Feeling the weight of this stark and divisive societal issue, I embark upon writing this post in deep humility.
I feel the current pain of those who will read these words as I write.
I sense the confusion, the desire for “rightness,” the search for the *key* which fits the lock that will release the reader from their nightmarish prison.
I feel, and I know.
It is only through understanding the nature of the beast we are dealing with and having more understanding than the “beast” does that allows one to approach a problem with a degree of confidence.
There have been myriad attempts to shed light upon the rampant narcissistic epidemic that mankind is dealing with. Many more have vomited their internal traumas in hopes of feeling better. The accumulated vomit has merely contributed to the stench that currently has poisoned mankind’s Hope of solving the dilemma. None have sufficiently understood. Never has true light illuminated the entire situation.
It is my desire to write in such a manner that an interested eight-year-old can understand. If I succeed, then the Hope I feel within me will be multiplied and taken up by others. Thus, I write.
Please read… and ponder…
Every human born into this world comes forth with the innate quest to feel good. Every choice made by each individual is a reaction to choices made by others and for the intent to feel as good as possible. Every choice made delivers feedback to whether that action was successful in delivering good feeling… or not.
Partnered with that inherent desire to feel good is the intrinsic knowing that the individual is a “good” person. Others may not appear so, but the core of each human maintains a rightness and a deservability to continue existing.
Upon first breath, the littlest among us, in their helpless state, look to others for their needs. When those needs are met, the world feels safe and can be relied upon. Having the physical needs met satisfying the response to hunger, tiredness, uncomfortableness, validates and confirms the infants’ right to exist and have his life continue. It is when the need is not met or is met with inconsistency that the child’s vulnerability is exposed. Trauma ensues. The young one begins to apprehend that the world cannot be trusted. He is not safe. All is not right after all.
Thus, he begins to distance himself from others, lessening his ability to be hurt while increasing his reliance upon his own narrowed interpretation of the world while negating others’ perspectives.
Few parents today truly understand their role. They cannot. They do not even understand them self, making it impossible to understand another human being… especially one as helpless and vulnerable as an infant.
Thus, a young one grows up and “another one bites the dust,” or rather, another child fails to maintain trust in their environment and with those other “big ones” that are the powerful controllers of the alleviation of their needs to survive. Thus, an internal war ensues, the dilemma being the sense of goodness one feels for one’s self verses others outside of one’s self who do not appear to agree with this innate awareness because they at times withhold, misdirect, or misapply the fulfillment of one’s needs to exist.
In simplicity, the people of this world have lost faith in their Self and in their mutually shared humanity. To continue existing, all have ‘sold’ their humanity for money. Or, better, each one has chosen to take upon them self an “alter-ego” to various degrees in order to maintain one’s life. Rather, little children learn how to act and re-act in ways that temporarily seem to provide for their needs, yet leave greater hunger and vulnerability in its wake. These physical and eventual emotional needs of being accepted, appreciated for their uniqueness, when thwarted, instigate adopting a persona that contrasts with their inherent Self.
Each “false self” then sets off on a path of deviation from their original “straight and narrow” journey of life, exploring their inherent goodness as they interact with others who are, likewise, on their own individual journey of self-exploration. Influenced by the feedback and reactions they receive from others through their choices, they continue off in meandering mental habits which eventually become their set character and life.
Again, everyone wants to feel good… as good as possible. Additionally, each individual is programmed to believe that they ARE good and that they ARE engaging with others in ways that ARE right and appropriate to the situation.
To the degree that one learns early on that this world and its care-givers is NOT a safe and secure place, one learns to fixate TO THAT DEGREE upon the physical reality of life. Money and material “things” are seen to provide more reliability than people. People may not live up to their word. They might get angry and withholding. But, a toy is a toy is a toy. Food is food. A child whose emotional climate is highly untrustworthy learns to build walls while emotionally fending for himself, trusting in his own mental ability to reason, justify, and explain life’s situations. A tough, impenetrable wall is built, brick-by-brick, around one’s emotions, disallowing much opportunity for further disappointment in others. If the structure is tight enough, one can pretty much rationally explain all the surprises of life. Developing a thick enough skin prevents the further likelihood of being hurt by another. Remember, others either DO validate one’s inherent goodness as they contribute to one’s physical and emotional needs, or they DO NOT. People are quickly compartmentalized as those who will provide physical and emotional sustenance, or those who will not.
The only solution is to heal the severed trust cycle.
Only love can heal.
But this entails an “other-worldly love.”
A “narcissistic” person is merely one who has had a label attached to his inner wounding of the trust cycle and responds in a particular way. All alive have been wounded similarly, to one degree or another. Each human being has fallen off his perch of “self-rightness” and “innate goodness.” Every one has lost trust in the world and has sought validation from things in a temporary attempt to lessen the emptiness. Thus, each and every individual can have an index finger pointed at them, accompanied by the snarled term: “Narcissist!”
Matthew 19: 25 “When the disciples heard this they were greatly astonished and asked, “Who then can be saved?” 26 “Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Withheld from full disclosure in the previous communication, but now inserted, is the following: “Who, then, can be saved? With men this is impossible; but IF they will forsake ALL things for my sake, with God whatsoever I speak IS possible.”
HERE is HOW to Heal Narcissism:
Any person who decides they do not feel as consistently and ultimately as “good” as they WANT to feel must set up mental house-keeping within them self. Each must humbly realize that they must become AGAIN as a pure little child, before they sustained emotional wounding. In that vulnerable state they can then be succored and cared for as they build their emotional sinews and become healthy and mature. Yet, WHERE is a trustworthy “MOMMY”??? Who can take the place as the wise and all-powerful care-giver who can be counted upon to ALWAYS have the child’s needs in mind? Currently, there is NO ONE ELSE that is living a mortal life who has “Mastered” their emotions and can provide mentorship, thus, becoming a surrogate mother.
Again, in humble confidence, I write. Men want two things: 1) a Mommy. 2) a Mistress.
To heal a man requires a healed woman who becomes BOTH his emotional mommy AND his mistress. She must love him as purely and powerfully and consistently as his wound is deep. Yet, in order to do this, SHE must first have healed her self and become a PURE, PowerFULL, steady bastion of strength for him to lean upon as He becomes strong. It is, thus, requisite, for a woman to have learned to LOVE herself with all her heart, might, mind, and strength. She must stand as the Divine, Empowered, Emotionally Stable GODDESS that She IS. She must learn how to truly, deeply and correctly LOVE Her Self so that she can assist his healing of his lack of Self Love.
Please, please, please… research, read, study, ponder, and apply what I have written and will continue to write about HOW to heal and love one’s Self.
After a woman has healed, she is then capable of self-mastery and accessing Intelligence to direct her from within as she guides her precious “man-child” in his wound recovery. A woman of this caliber is now an “Advanced Being” in service of All Humanity. She lives not for her own self-interests, but having overcome the smallness of an individual “self,” she now finds value in living life for the Good of All.
As all those who have dealt with “narcissists” know… “HA! That “man-child” will bolt the second that “Mommy-Mistress” calls him on his sh__! He is then on his way for another would-be “Mommy-Mistress.”
It is possible that the initial “Mommy-Mistress” (#1) is never seen again. Highly improbable, however. IF she has loved him as deeply and stably as warrants her empowered Goddesshood, then he will NOT find a replacement for her succor. He WILL be back. If and when that happens, she then requires that he “clean up all his garbage.” Responsibility for his emotions and his messes is a task unfamiliar to the narcissist. Yet, she does not waiver. Emotional responsibility, transparency, honoring of her and their union are requisites for her participation in their relationship. She is, above all, trust-worthy in her consistency of boundaries. THIS is her *Key* to assisting him in healing his trust issues.
As this yo-yo continues: she calls him on his sh__, he bolts, he comes back, she demands clean up, they enjoy steadiness for a period of time until he falls short and she calls him on his sh__, he bolts, he comes back, she demands clean up, they enjoy steadiness for a period of time…
… each time she holds her light steady, her “mirror” up to expose that which he is hiding deep inside that she catches and calls him on… she assists him deeper and deeper into his heart of hearts. As he digs and cleans and exposes and comes to peace with the pieces of his hidden self… all the while she maintains a calm dignity of self-respect and powerful love for him… he comes to see and accept and love himself. AS he learns to love himself, he also is able to heal his trust cycle. He realizes now, as a grown man yet one who has become humble and increasingly teachable (“as a pure little child”), that the world can be a safe and secure place. He realizes that people are fallible, that the original “mommy” figure did her best even though she failed his little self. He can now forgive her, move on while walking forward into ever increasing emotional maturity. As he does this, the new “mommy” figure is loved and respected and cherished more and more. Gradually, he comes closer to her divine equal and their relationship becomes a partnership. Two powerful, divine beings with “one mind and one heart”: a healed and whole “Couple.”
This I know from personal experience. A woman holds the *Key* to a man’s healing, IF she can love her Self purely and deeply and completely and not NEED him, yet pour out succor and hope to him in his humble moments.
Not all narcissists are male and not all males desire female companionship. Many women have been ruined by their fathers as they were raised to be his “little princess” who could “do no wrong” and was not taught mature emotional control while being tuned into the deeper “spiritual” world and was, instead, fed a diet of “things” and “materialism.” For any female who desires healing, a male can be the temporary “Mommy” while preparing her for finalizing Her raising of Him once she gains emotional maturity. During the process, both of them can look to and cling to the words *I* offer.
Obviously, the more and more individuals who take upon themselves their emotional healing and growth, will make the situation that much easier for those who come up behind. Pioneers always have the most difficulty clearing wilderness paths. However, I have gone before. I have healed and matured a narcissist with deep (62 years) wounds.
Let us serve as mentors. Let us bring hope.
Healing narcissism is NOT impossible. It is merely extremely difficult.
Yet, where there is a WILL… and correct vision… there is a way.
I have the correct vision.
My Beloved has exhibited the WILL and tenacity.
Let our story and the correct principles I espouse empower You.
If You *WILL,* then you can also find safe haven in the emotional paradise awaiting you… and your beloved.
Come, come ye “Saints,” no toil nor labor fear… Fresh courage take.
Yes, there is more to the “root” of narcissism. I will expose more of the issue in further posts. I will also answer more questions and write more specifics until each and every one has found their wounds healed and their hearts warmed and is, once again, Trusting of Life.
In my pursuit of Real Truth, I have given up everything. Crawling through the “eye of the needle,” I have learned the *mysteries* and am now giving my life to assist YOU to dis-cover Who *YOU* really are, along with your unique gift to offer humanity. As you learn to seek (in the right place and with purified intent), you WILL find treasures of lasting value, along with every promised reward. Together, we will establish a society of humane beings and live life ALIVE, on PURPOSE, and with a sociality unequaled… because we will each BE and view each other as equally and profoundly DIVINE! Please… catch this Hope and Vision and join with me.