This is a question I was asked recently. I answered it by first sharing an excerpt from another answer I wrote:
“I was born to a mother who had a difficult time regulating her emotions. I was the oldest of what came to be six children by my parents. They did eventually divorce and each went on to have more children. Without going into detail, there were many actions that would be considered very abusive perpetrated against me as a child. I remember being able to mentally distance myself as if I were witnessing in third person the events taking place. I would tell my self, “This is HER issue. I will show her that she can not win. She will not take control of me. I will maintain my calm. She can do what she will, but I will NOT respond in kind.” Obviously my vocabulary was different, but those were the ideas of my self talk. To this day, I claim that my birth mother was one of my greatest mentors. She taught me characteristics that I did NOT want to adopt. Because of her, I determined that I would NEVER lose my temper. And I have not. (My mother also has many exemplary characteristics and those I admire and have sought to appreciate and adopt into my life as I could. In many ways, she is beautiful. I do want to present that as well.)”
When I was a young adult and received a scathing letter in the mail from my mom, before I even opened it up, I felt warm unseen arms wrap themselves around me as I felt the following words impress themselves within me: “I was born to be HER mother.” It was about two decades later that in a rare conversation with my mom, she said nearly the same thing to me, “You have always been MY mother.”
Often, biological age does NOT indicate emotional maturity.
And so, Dear Asker and Reader, I would suggest that first and foremost, you learn to respect and validate your self, not relying upon her or anyone else for your validation. As you learn to truly and completely respect your self, you will find that you are able to more wisely interact with her while maintaining safety both emotionally and physically.
May YOU be the role-model of emotional maturity in your particular situation.
In service…
In my pursuit of Real Truth, I have given up everything. Crawling through the “eye of the needle,” I have learned the *mysteries* and am now giving my life to assist YOU to dis-cover Who *YOU* really are, along with your unique gift to offer humanity. As you learn to seek (in the right place and with purified intent), you WILL find treasures of lasting value, along with every promised reward. Together, we will establish a society of humane beings and live life ALIVE, on PURPOSE, and with a sociality unequaled… because we will each BE and view each other as equally and profoundly DIVINE! Please… catch this Hope and Vision and join with me.
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