She just left. “Good bye, Mom! I love you!” Then, in a sing-song louder voice, “Thank you, God!” And I responded, “I love you, too, Sweetie! Have a beautiful day!” Then she got on her bike and headed off… into the world… for another dose of their vision. I sat down, watching her, not out the window or from the front porch as I often do, but from within my mind’s eye. I saw her ride off down the road, aware of the traffic, the road signs, but pondering the conversation we had just shared and the feelings she was carrying in her heart.
Ten minutes prior to her “good-bye” she had reached out with tears streaming down her face. “You are so amazing!” Holding her, wiping her tears from her cheeks, I felt her gentle sobs. “Tell me what you’re thinking. Why do you say that?” “Because you ARE! You don’t do ANYTHING for YOU! You don’t eat anything YOU want. You don’t sleep, you don’t DO ANYTHING except how you can help the world. You are so amazing! I love you so much! And yet, people think you’re some kind of a monster! People hate you! They spread lies about you! They so don’t understand you! And yet, you love them. You just love them. While they’re screaming at you, or pushing you around, or sending you to jail, or telling people twisted things about you… at that same time, you’re just showering out love to them and wondering how you can help them more? THEY JUST DON’T GET YOU! And, that’s why you’re amazing. You do it anyway. You have so much love in your heart. Always. For everyone. And that’s why I want to be just like you.”
Pulling back slightly so I could look in her face, tears now streaming down my own cheeks, I tell her, “You SEE Me.” And my heart is ready to burst. She sees me. My fourteen year old daughter, who has been with me through thick and thin, who has been a personal witness, at least to some degree and at least to my last fourteen years… my young teenage daughter… She SEES Me.
And then I pick up the computer, turning it on. Knowing that I must record this exchange… for you. While the world screams at you, while it waves the elusory carrot in your face, tantalizing you with its subtly raised eyebrow and wickedly righteous whisper: “Here, try this, you want it, you know you do. Come on, oh, baby, come on. Look what I have. Oh, baby, you know I can give you what you really want, oh baby, you know it…”
Yes, while the world and all those within it, say that they understand you, they know what you want and how to get you to feel better, look better, BE better, establish more worth… Yet, I, writing from my hidden “cave,” I alone… do.
Yesterday, four feet from where I sat, another pair of lips parted and spewed venom, rancid, putrid, dark venom. At me. About me. Because of me. And as she did, I saw myself from within her mind, looking out at the me that sat right in front of her. I saw myself through her eyes. And I nodded. I agreed. Yes. I am lazy. Yes. I sit on my ass for much of the day. She was correct in all the hate-filled misery-spewed words she was using at the top of her lungs. I agreed. I could see that, from what she knew of “me,” her judgments seemed to make sense. And my agreement with her seemed to incite her more: “How dare you nod your head! You lazy, filthy, good-for-nothing! You write about love! You think you understand love! You don’t know nothing! You’re not worthy of nothing! You’re a scumbag! Your eyes are black! There’s no light in you!…” Fifteen (or more) minutes of her screaming hatred. Probably several more hours after she had left me alone of more unspoken screams still directed toward me. And that was yesterday.
The day before, Wednesday, while working on my photo project on my computer, I began sensing that my heart was burning within me. This is a common realization and one that is my comfort zone. Except at this time the warmth and expansion seemed particularly significant and stopped my fingers, directing my attention. Conversing as I always do to the “Powers That Be” that dwell within my heart, I asked them, “What is this? Who am I sensing? Who needs me?” Listening… I immediately was drawn to my former husband, David (or rather, Dave, as he has re-named himself since our separation). Closing my eyes, feeeeeeeling my inner gaze reaching out for him, touching his soul, I listened. And felt. Continuing then my project, over the next hour or so I spoke to “him.” “I love you, David. Whatever it is you are going through, please feel my love. You can do it. Whatever your trials, whatever your choices, you can do it. Reach for the light. Remember how I mentored you to look up… reach up… trust your Highest Self to see for you, guide you, empower you through each step of the way. I love you….”
The overwhelming sensation did not lessen, however. Finally, my heart bursting with heat and concern, finally I picked up my phone and texted him. 1:25 pm “Are you okay???” Nothing. No response. He has attempted suicide before… multiple times. He had reached out to me in desperation (via text and then phone call) a few weeks ago. Sunday in my arms he had cried and said that he WANTED to be strong. He WANTED to leave the “world.” He really WANTED to assist me and not be my “Lucy Harris” or “Ethan Smith.” He DIDN’T Want to be the last one on board….” But that was four days before. And I knew that he had repeatedly turned on a dime. What was he going through now?
1:31 pm I texted again: “Whatever you’re going through… you can choose the LIGHT. I know you can…” Still nothing. No response. I continued to feel something of deep importance, though I wasn’t able to discern whether it was a positive or a negative burning. What is imminent? As I commune with Those who guide me, I wasn’t given any specifics, just the deep and powerful “burn” of connection with David.
I had chosen to continue work on my computer project with my photographs and that’s where my fingers and my left-brain were being occupied. As such, my heart and right brain were able to be actively engaged in sending light, even though I continued to not know any particulars of the situation.
Even though the Powers That Be had recently opened my eyes to the particulars of David’s choices in the three and a half months since we’ve been apart, even though I cringed with disappointment and felt the tragic weight of failure… even though I felt disgusted and profoundly saddened to be shown snippets of his conversations with his children, the quiet unassuming voice and words he so carefully chose, the way he presented my intentions in a light that, he knew, would work upon their sympathies towards him, make them feel protective of him, look upon me with amused derision and validate all their prior judgments towards me, making him more the helpless victim that required their time and support and love and attention… even after all I had poured into his soul during our four years together… After all the motivating confidence I offered so that he shift his vision, his desires, his thoughts and hopes for both his short and long-term future, our shared future, into the eternities… pondering all this, I knew that, no matter how pathetic and despicable and groveling his choices, his thoughts, his pursuits and actions and conversations with his children, his so-called “friends,” his love- and lust-pursuits, for some inexplicable reason that really is not inexplicable because I have been shown what our connection is, I Do have understanding on this, but no matter how devious and abhorrent to my soul, I still love the precious, unsullied, pure essence deeply buried within him…
Though I’m aware of all this, and looking at him from the perspective of the divine, it was becoming very clear to me that the Powers That Be were now requiring something more from me. I began to talk to his essence: “Come here. Reach out to me. Pick up the phone and call me. If you’d like, I can meet you somewhere, you can share your burden, you can let it out. You KNOW I see you. You KNOW I know who you ARE. You KNOW that I am the only one here on the earth that truly has your best interest, your eternal best interest, at stake. Turn to me. Come here.” 1:52 I pick up my phone and attempt to call him. He doesn’t answer.
Then, diverting my attention was a noise just outside my bedroom window. A bird, a large and solid and shiny jet-black bird with a large striking white chest, right on my window frame, looking at me, pecking. Peck peck pecking to come in. Then on the screen itself. Looking at me, trying to come in to me. Watching, in awe, I begin to speak to it. “Hey there! You want in?” After a few more pecks and nods my way, he turned and flew off. Wow!
Picking up my journal (my constant companion) I jotted down a few lines, pondering. I pick up my computer and do a search for bird images. Magpie. Definitely a magpie. No question. I knew nothing about magpies, didn’t ever remember even seeing one before now. Then the thought came: “I wonder the significance of magpies? I wonder if they are known to have special significance or messages?” And so I do a search.
“Obsession with the material world will not nurture your spiritual path. Only when you loudly follow your true calling in life by being all that you can be will you be able to find the fulfillment and satisfaction for which you are longing. You must re-evaluate your priorities before you move further down the path you are currently on. Therefore, it is important to keep an open mind and be guided by your Spirit and True Potential to find your peace.”
It was then 2:25. I again picked up my phone, finally knowing the specific words that I was to use, the message that I was being asked to deliver. This time David answers. “Hi.” “Hey. How are you?” “I’m okay.” “Really?” “Yes.” “Really?” “Yes, why?” “Because I’m sensing….” “I guess I’m a six, a six or a seven right now. I’m okay. Just doing the best I can every day. I’m feeling lonely, though.” “And so you turn to the world to fill your loneliness.” “I have to! It’s all I have!” “No, it’s not all you have. I took you to heaven. You know how to open heaven’s door and commune with Them. You proved that.” “I admit my family and the world is my solace. They’re all I have. I’ve got to work to support myself now. You’re not here bringing in money, I’ve got to go out in the world and work. I need companionship. I need someone to love me. I want to be loved.” “The only pure and lasting love is the one provided by your True Self” (that he calls “Nathan”), “Nathan is waiting for you, longing for you to resume your connection with him.” “But he doesn’t answer me! Every day I try talking to him and he never answers!” “Ah, but he tries. It’s not HIM that is avoiding You! You just don’t hear him because you’re facing the wrong direction. You’re seeking your answers from the world. You’re giving in to the “lusts of your flesh” and the titillating experiences of the body and its worldly conquests. But the “Teresa’s” of the world are taking you down, down, down. You are in enemy territory when you’re seeking the sensual nature of your being. When you’re fixated on the temporal world, OF COURSE, his voice can’t get through to you. But you know you can do it. I KNOW you can do it! You know you got through on May 27th. You know you established contact that day, and you know how good that felt! Better than anything! You were on fire, shaking with joy, tears streaming down your cheeks as you came in to report to me your experience. You recorded it in your journal. Read it. Often. Multiple times a day. You did it once, you can part the veil again!”
“What should I do then?” At this question, the very same bird, the magpie comes back, sitting on a branch of the tree right outside my window! “I just gave you the message. Remember?” “I remember.” “Do you want me to read it again to you?” “No, I remember.” “May I read it again anyway?” “Okay.” I re-read the Magpie’s message. Then: “Go to Nathan, I could give you details, I could tell you what they’re showing me, but go directly to him, let Him guide you. He so wants to.” “Why did you have to leave? I could have done it with you.” “I left because it was no longer safe for Krystal and I. You know that. You were making choices from anger and victimhood instead of the will to grow in spirit.” “I’m not a threat to your safety. You’re lying when you say I am. I’m so glad to not have the constant stress, no more headaches every day. My body is relieved. I’m done….” and he hangs up.
“Well, I delivered your message,” I resignedly share with the Powers That Be. But they’re not done. The burning continues. I keep showering confidence David’s way. “You can do it,” I silently whisper. “Look UP! Choose the Light!” Resuming my project, I come to a picture in my album that is perfect and feel directed to text it to him.
Continuing on with my computer photo project, I simultaneously poured out loving light his way, knowing that at some point, his outer shell would relax and allow my spirit into his heart. Then, I came to another picture that whispered to be sent his way. With enough resolve, with determined will and focus, another “David” slew a giant and saved his entire country. I sent this picture to him:
Then at 4:18 Dave texted: “Are you reading my texts?” Startled, I looked on my phone. I hadn’t received anything from him. Did he send something and it not come through? I responded: “I don’t see any. ???” He replies: “How did you know about Teresa?” Oh, that’s what he means. Does he still doubt after all that he witnessed of my connection? Or has he completely re-written our experiences? Although much of the time we were together, he had been thrilled to learn the ways of the Spirit, humble and accepting of me and my connection to those who are Overseeing and assisting (behind-the-scenes) as mortality plays out its current scene, he had waivered often. Obviously that’s the place he had again gone to. I responded: “The Powers that BE Know Everything. GO TO NATHAN!!!” How much more could I encourage him to “Pray” (in the True Order of Prayer) and become humble?
Then texts begin coming from him as he rants and accuses me of somehow reading his texts and not being honest with him. I have learned not to engage in his sparring. I reply: “YOU do not Want truth! I have given it to you. Good bye…” He then texts back, threatening to cut off my phone service (tomorrow).
And with that, I am given my next Inner direction. “Complete your separation, Kimberly. Do not wait for him. Get your own phone account.” And so I do. Having left my income as piano teacher, indeed, having left my piano and all my furnishings, having instead dedicated myself to writing and establishing myself daily for whoever has prepared themself sufficiently to read and to be encouraged in their individual endeavors to leave the world… Having been waiting for the home to sell so that I had funds to go on to my next chapter, now I was being told to be pro-active and trust that I would have the wherewithal to proceed.
The time was perfect; Krystal was now finished with her after school janitorial job. I get in the car to pick her up. Together we went and I opened up an account. Then I texted David: “Do what you’d like with the phone. I now have my own account. Go forth and live the life of your dreams….” His knee-jerk response back to me was: “What do I do with all your stuff?” And then: “The life of my dreams includes YOU, being nice to me… like you were when we first met. I so loved that YOU! The current YOU is so judge mental that it creates great anxiety in myself and others. I believe that you are unable to change so I will seek someone I feel safe being with.. good luck with your endeavors!”
And so, now I come to my theme of this post. “If you have desires to serve God, ye are called to the work.” (D & C 43) And “many are called, but few are chosen.” And WHY are they NOT “chosen?” D & C 121:35 “Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men….” WHO does the choosing? We choose our self. Or not. It is our hearts, our desires by which we choose. The longings of our heart cry out to us night and day. But most do not listen to their pure hearts; hearing instead the mental chatter and the lusts of the flesh, the corrupted heart. And it is in response to those desires, the things we choose to think about and the choices we make, those things that we DO, that define us and pave our path. Thus, we can become anything we want according to the purity of our heart and the choices that we make therefrom.
Created to BE *JOY* and to receive and deliver “Prophecy” (“Would to God that ALL men were prophets” Moses), yet mortals fall by saturating their vision with the sensual, the seductive, the tantalizing draws of the lusty flesh and its nature. To the degree we become, thus, double-minded, we become conflicted inside. This is the “Armageddon.” This is cognitive dissonance, when the two parts of our being are at war with each other. Being “double-minded,” of course one can not see clearly and choose wisely and purely and steadily. Of course while we were together David had headaches. His carnal nature now had an antagonist. With me out of his life, his lustful self was now sitting (nearly) securely upon the throne of his mind again and his body “was relieved.” But though his battle has settled down, his soul is in anguish.
Yes, I see David’s soul. Knowing his pulls for the “Bathsheba’s” of the world, yet I know the pureness of his younger version, the one capable of, with one smooth round stone, slaying his Goliath and regaining his peaceful mental kingdom.
And it is the deepest and purest “Emotional Intimacy” with “God” that our souls desire.
The problem with mortals is this: We each have implanted KNOWINGS that the ultimate and final realization for successful completion of probative mortality is a divine and eternal partnership with another equally divine being. Yet, forgetting our (albeit immature) divinity while having witnessed nature propagate and becoming allured with her ways, mankind has attempted to be of the animal world instead of reaching for the eternities. The first order of business for mortals is each mortal’s dis-covering for them self WHO *I* Am. This “Gnosis,” figuring out the Truth of One’s own Eternal Being, is the purpose for mortality. Throughout generations of blindness, mankind has been putting the cart before the horse. Instead of honestly and determinedly listening within their own being, hearing their inner God’s voice and Being True to Who They are, they attempt to add two variables to produce a sum without knowing what the variables are! For two individuals to have any type of Real and Eternal Intimacy, each variable must become intimate with itself. The ultimate *JOY* that we were created to experience is only possible within a society of beings where each knows and lives True to Who THEY Are.
Since our meeting in April of 2014, though I had to learn (the hard way) how to maneuver through the hidden wares he kept trapped within his mind… since our meeting, we have each had the uncanny sense of spiritual “twinship.” Repeatedly have we experienced amazing synergistic propensities that are otherwise unexplainable. This photo shows what might appear to be one set of legs, two hands from the same body. Yet they are not. They are ours, his and mine. Another amazing “coincidence” being our bone structure.
Yes. With the Eyes that I have, bizarre or not, I have the ability to see within a person’s soul. It is at that level that I interact with others. I am not here to live Kimberly’s life. My life is not my life. I have given my life up, joyfully, completely, gratefully, to live a life in service to the good of all. I have heard the “call” and I have answered it, choosing my self, my life, to be an instrument in the service of “God.”
Though called a “monster” yesterday, amongst many other things; though accused of all kinds of devious and unsavory adjectives by many people who THINK they know me… I KNOW WHO I AM. I know my heart. I know my desires. My desires are ONLY and PURELY “to serve God.” Therefore am I “called to the work.” And, because I have heard and answered this call, I have found my Self, I have found (in glorious precious sacred experiences, some of which I have publicly revealed)… I have found the divine and pure Goddesses who dwell in realms so beyond earthly that to find words to describe THEM or my experiences with them is nearly impossible. But, at their request, I have tried. And because I have discovered the summit of humanity’s mountain, thus I have been assigned the task of assisting all others (who choose to… WITH *ALL* THEIR HEART) to make it up their own spiritual mountain. Thus, my website and my daily posts.
Thus, my continual labor, day and night, to translate and to write what I am given… for all the “David’s” of the world. All those who will (before it is too late!) choose to leave the “Bathsehba’s” and all the temporal and worldly traps of the mortal probationary experience.
Gratefully, there are those who, even mortal, understand to some degree my love. In pure gratitude and with wet eyes, I pour out my acknowledgement for those like Krystal who are beginning to be able to see inside of me. David used to be able to… at times.
Every day, more are finding this site, reading what I have been asked to deliver… for their sake, our sake.
And WHY do I write? WHY do I invest my thoughts, my labor, my energy, my everything? I invest so that EACH and EVERY ONE can also dis-cover who they REALLY and ETERNALLY Are. I write to extricate individuals who are trapped in snares that SEEM desirable, pleasurable, traps that even are labeled as “honorable,” “Good!” I utilize the “Eyes of Christ” that I have been entrusted with to show all those who *will* those aspects that they are carrying around with them, thinking are parts of them self that have been secretly implanted by the adversary of their souls.
Does this cause tension and stress (even headaches) when a person would rather not see that anything is amiss in their life? Absolutely! This is cognitive dissonance! Yet… Do I wish to cause anyone distress? Not in the least. If I am not wanted, if I can not assist, I prefer to leave a person’s service and serve in another capacity somewhere else, someone else.
Again, Krystal, alone, best knows my heart. Having been with me every day of her life… except the two days I was incarcerated… she, to the degree a fourteen year old can, she knows me. And THIS is *Intimacy.* One with pure eyes seeing another’s soul and acknowledging the pureness of that inner vessel. And thus, I wept in Krystal’s arms this morning as she acknowledged profound respect for me and my choices in life. She sees me.
I rest in the knowing that some day, in some dimension, each and every individual human being will also know my soul as I already see and know theirs. THIS is *Intimacy.* THIS is the sociality that prophets through the ages have given hints and keys to assist any who would listen to discover for themselves. And, oh, how I long for, and envision, and labor for that day, that glorious day. Even if I labor alone for now.
In my pursuit of Real Truth, I have given up everything. Crawling through the “eye of the needle,” I have learned the *mysteries* and am now giving my life to assist YOU to dis-cover Who *YOU* really are, along with your unique gift to offer humanity. As you learn to seek (in the right place and with purified intent), you WILL find treasures of lasting value, along with every promised reward. Together, we will establish a society of humane beings and live life ALIVE, on PURPOSE, and with a sociality unequaled… because we will each BE and view each other as equally and profoundly DIVINE! Please… catch this Hope and Vision and join with me.