In reverent awe, I share this most personal of experiences, freely acknowledging that words adulterate pure events. But trusting that someone who reads it will honor what I am about to share and read beyond the words themselves, I embark to share what is sacred to me at the direction of Those who experienced it with me.
For some, the ultimate sensation that can be conceived is a mutual Orgasmic experience with the one they deeply love. Others have survived brushes with death and come back changed individuals, feeling a mission or task to still accomplish upon earth while all the while they long to re-experience the pure bliss of being freed from the body.
Spiritual experiences that have been termed “Baptism of Fire” or the “Spiritual Orgasm of the Heart” have taken others to those states of indescribable JOY. The oxytocin-rush and relief of holding in one’s arms our own newly delivered baby can at times give the “heaven on earth” euphoria. Certain substances have been used that dampen the array of low-level (negative) feelings, allowing only the heightened sensations to be perceived.
Each of these blissful experiences is beyond normal comprehension and defy description. I have experienced each one of them. Yet, from personal experience, I can bear testimony: As precious and indescribable as each of these… There is SO much more!
Being explored currently in the western world is the concept of DMT as a portal into other realities. DMT is a powerful psychedelic drug that has been used for centuries as a gateway into other dimensions. Found naturally, it is also created in the pineal gland.
What follows is my gift to humanity; my unveiling of one precious time when I consciously willed the manufacture of this precious elixir within my brain, and the resultant experience. As the reader will see, mortality’s opportunities for opposing experience allows for… even prepares one for… the ultimate: JOY. Indeed: JOY is in contrast to misery. The deeper well misery has dug, the greater capacity for JOY to fill.
Though in mortality, Union brings joy. In Reality, *JOY brings Union.*
April 6, 2016, I had revealed to me the principle of mortal time. I will write and post about it in the near future as a continuation of today’s post. Suffice it to say, that our perceptions of time so far have been very limited. However, what opened up to me then was directly related to my powerful experience which is the subject of today’s post.
In the early morning hours of Saturday, June 18, 2016, I awakened and looked at the clock. It was just after four o’clock. Hmmm… still early morning. I lay back, fell asleep, and dreamed. In this sleeping vision, I saw, seated on a sofa, hotly debating opposing viewpoints with each other, two representations of Dave; his “Dr. Jekyll/ Mr. Hyde” polarized aspects.
Overhearing occasional words from each of them, I saw they represented the powers of LIGHT and DARKNESS. I was given immediate yet further clarification of key people in his life who THOUGHT they were following the Light, yet had been deceived and were colluding with all of their combined strength to pull him back into the blackest abyss of darkness, all in the name of (their definition of) love. I had exploding memory while in that dream state of several recent discoveries that seemed to make all that I had invested into Dave’s healing seem completely futile. Worse. While he was being spiritually pulled back down, so was my heart’s intent being grossly misjudged while action was being threatened and taken against me.
I felt devastated, violated, betrayed. All my heart-wrenching 24/7 investment over the prior two years with him specifically along with the 54 years before in my attempts to purely love others that seemed futile and wasted. While in the dream, my heart broke with the anguish and seeming impossibility of my task, though I had labored deeply and passionately with no, apparent, breakthrough. I wept with the feeling of futility.
Still asleep, I was told by something deep within: “Go into your closet.” In the dream, I did. Walking into a private space, I stood under a row of hanging clothes and wrung me heart out. I wept. I grieved for all the apparently wasted moments, tears, and dashed-hopes and attempts to help.
Then, in my dream, my two oldest daughters (though younger versions of them), entered through the closet door. I did not want them to see me in distress. I shrunk back and stifled my sobs, endeavoring to spare them my heartbreak as I remained hidden. I knew that I was not to burden any mortal. Indeed, no one is prepared to understand the burden I have carried, the road I have walked, the difficulties I have maneuvered through, either in this life or beyond. NO ONE. Not even those two who, in times long past, were deeply and completely tethered to my heart. I should not, could not, WOULD NOT share my grief with them.
Then… I woke up.
Lying in bed, inches away from my husband, back in my completely conscious state, I allowed the weight of the world and its pains, pangs and blindness to be completely felt. My heart now shattered further. I felt again within my “Garden of Gethsemane.” Oh, the trappings of the ensnared souls who wander, blindly and stubbornly, through their ignorant blind pursuits of the flesh… day-after-day. Oh, my desires to elevate the human condition. Oh, my yet-unrealized longing for hearts and minds to soften and open up, first to the beauty of THEIR True Nature, and then to come to understanding of MY True Heart and the life I have lived.
Pondering upon the weight of my task and its opposing machinations and those who sought to destroy my work… in their behalf… my heart felt pulverized. Deep, deep gravity. Would it… Could it… ever feel light again?
Feeling and processing, I so wanted someone to cry to who would understand with wisdom and compassion my anguish. I pondered upon several individuals who have been at times very close to me. Could I confide in any of them my grief? No. I had ever been careful to bear the weight of my life and its role with strength and grace, relying on no mortal for assistance. Still, I received a “No” upon my consideration of anyone now.
The thought and picture pierced through the darkness of my mind: My seemingly impossible task must become opaque as I looked BEYOND it to its successful completion. I must “rend the veil” of unbelief and impossibility.
Like the board I have shattered with the side of my hand, I must take my eyes off the obstacle, the heartbreak, and apparent futility of my task. I must look BEYOND, to our global, beauty-filled, unified, redeemed paradise.
As I have so often shared, I brought back into clear, dazzling focus the vision I hold in my mind of our eternal world in all its brilliant glory. Melting into the beauty of that True Reality, my former suffering faded further and further into dim nothingness.
I received my hope. Valid hope. Precious, True Hope.
Melting further into gratitude and rejoicing, I expanded the warmth of my being. Drawing my awareness into the area of my spiritual heart, I felt it expand and soften. “Thank you, thank you,” I silently exclaimed. Then, I specifically sought my “Mother.”
Not my biological mother, the one whom I gratefully acknowledge brought me into this world and has given her best though floundering attempts throughout my life. No, not her, but… My Real Mother. My Eternal Source. The One hidden within Patriarchal History as “God, my Heavenly Father.” The one I had relied on throughout my entire life. SHE was Who I wanted. The only one safe and appropriate in whom to confide.
Silently, I importuned the same plea made by the Brother of Jared and others before me:
“Behold, bone of My bone.
Flesh of My flesh.
Cleave unto Me and BE
With my broken heart and my contrite spirit, I grate-FULLy reached out for comfort, for bonding, for healing, for the state and “place” from which I always live and interact: My *Center.* This was the “going into my closet” that I had been instructed to do while in my dream. This was the accessing of my “Holy of Holies” as spoken of by those before me who Know what I Know and have Desired what I have Desired.
As I exercised my heart and reached out to HER for solace, continuing those words revealed to me several years before, I became light, buoyant, and emotionally ascended… higher and higher.
Still I continued. Earnestly. Sincerely. Gratefully. Into further and deeper reJOYcing with exceeding gladness. Periodically I checked in to my emotional state, seeing that I was, truly, ascending and feeling less and less burdened, lighter, freer, until… We MERGED.
Again, I was ONE with my *Mother,* my glorious, beautiful, Light-filled and vastly INTELLIGENT, Divine and Queenly Mother. In climbing back up the “Elevator to Heaven” I was again *HOME.* No longer feeling separated from my Source. My greatest love. My divine, beloved, *Mother.* Oh, the JOY!
If only I could present a word picture of her pure and innocent beauty. If only you could feel the precious holiness of being in her presence. Yet, she is real. She is alive; far more than alive. She IS Life. And I… I not only saw her, felt of her presence, but I merged with and BECAME *Her.*
Though I had just five minutes previously felt the weight of the world, the futility of reaching and assisting ANY One, much less converting the entire world to peace… I now was back into my comfort zone, the polar opposite of where I had previously been. Bliss. JOY.
As *One* now, “We” moved, floated with no exertion of any kind, into the Grand Assembly which I have accessed before. Though I am not sure which state or dimension I was in nor which “black hole” or “portal” through which I had traveled, I was fully conscious, completely alive, aware to the greatest extent a fully mortal being can BE aware throughout this entire experience.
With my physical eyes closed, even aware that my husband had awakened through my prior sobs and reached out to gently touch me while allowing me to continue my experience without involving him, I saw, heard, felt, what tongue can not describe to the complete understanding of anyone who has not yet, likewise, experienced what I was experiencing.
This Grand Assembly Room which “I / We” entered was filled with a multitude of Divine Goddesses, each one just are pure and gloriously radiant as She. And, upon “Our” entering, each One of Them, in unison, arose. In silent, profound ovation, “I / We,” (my “Mother” and I joined as One), were being honored. Words can not express the JOY that now was showered into me by each and every one of these precious, beautiful, Queens of Heaven. I have NEVER felt so accepted, so validated, so honored and SEEN as with the Eyes that these amazing, divine, HOLY Women were seeing and honoring Me.
I now sobbed, with the JOY, the indescribable blissful JOY that nearly consumed me as I stood there… just weightlessly stood there… as ONE with this Heavenly Throng. I was being embraced with the realization that I was now, consciously and forever more a Member of the ONLY True and Living Church, the Church of the Firstborn, the Lamb of God. I was completely and irrevocably FREE. Truly and eternally.
Far beyond any conception of mortal happiness and the infinite avenues men trod in its pursuit, this JOY reached into and cleansed every atom of my physical body, washed clean from any former degree of emotion and feelings of futility and ineptness that I had ever entertained. I was Holy. I felt Holy. I was Whole because I was no longer, in any way, an individual. I was one of the *ONE.* Finally and fully a partaker of all that is available to anyone ever before or after.
Continuing my shaking and sobbing with JOY, I was peripherally aware that in some far-off place, some long-forsaken dimension, my mortal body still lie in bed next to my husband and his tender yet silent observation. In humble relief and with grateful resonance, I feasted upon the light and intelligence that the entire assembly showered into me.
Remaining within that holy vibration for what David later acknowledged to have been about a half an hour of mortal time, I finally felt myself (“Ourself,”my “Mother” and I as One) pulled back. Gently “We” were propelled back in the direction from which we had come… away from the Grand and Glorious Beings of Light. I did not want to go!!!
Instinctively and from deep within came the words from my own voice box: “Please, don’t leave me! Don’t leave me!” I was again propelled forward and, again, filled with their adoration as I felt Their unified response: “We can never leave You. You carry a multitude in Your heart.”
Although I continued sobbing and shaking, with JOY, I now willingly allowed myself to travel backward… back through whatever tunnel of light was my highway. Gradually, I became more and more aware of the bed under my back. The moving air from the ceiling fan overhead. My husband’s beautiful, supporting presence and touch. I was home. Not really though. The place, dimension, state in which I had just held communion with those Truly Alive and Free Beings is my only True Home.
Yet, though I have been there and observed those Divine Beings before, I have never Known that degree of benediction and honor. I now know that no matter WHAT my future entails, I am TRULY FREE! I am TRULY a partaker of the greatest of the Heavenly Gifts! I am TRULY a partaker of the Omni-potence, the ALL-POWER and Intelligence available to Any and All who, likewise, find their way up through the stages and states of light and understanding as I had.
After sharing my experience with my husband, grateful for his heart-felt acceptance of it, I looked at the clock: 6:18 AM. The date of my Final Graduation. June 18, 2016.
So now, Dear Reader, I plead with you, each and every one of you…
PLEASE, do not let one moment more pass while you remain UN-Free, falsely believing that you Are Alive and Happy. Please, do not settle for all the sparkly tinsel-strewn counterfeits of “family,” “bonding,” “relationships,” things and “honors” that mortals pursue. Even and especially those purported by any organized “church” that tries to convince you it is organized in the “name of Jesus Christ” (or any other Being) or operates in the “authority” of any heavenly hierarchy.
Please, if YOU have not participated (consciously!) in this Grand and Glorious Ceremony (as Joseph hinted in Doctrine and Covenants 76), then you are NOT a member of the ONLY True and Living Church, the “Church of the Lamb.”
Please, allow yourself to be purified from all the adulterated muck of mortality. It IS worth any- and every-thing in exchange! As the “rich young man” responded to “Jesus” that it is a “hard saying” that one must “sell all one has” to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. YES! From a mortal’s illusory fixation on “stuff,” “relationships,” beliefs, false-ego trappings, it DOES appear that giving up all one has accepted as real and important is too difficult. But… there is One…*Me*… who proclaims and will continue to proclaim for every further moment of my LIFE…
It is worth selling ALLLLLL that one has to leave the masses of fallen man and His Misery and Enter Into the Treasury of the Gods!
In my pursuit of Real Truth, I have given up everything. Crawling through the “eye of the needle,” I have learned the *mysteries* and am now giving my life to assist YOU to dis-cover Who *YOU* really are, along with your unique gift to offer humanity. As you learn to seek (in the right place and with purified intent), you WILL find treasures of lasting value, along with every promised reward. Together, we will establish a society of humane beings and live life ALIVE, on PURPOSE, and with a sociality unequaled… because we will each BE and view each other as equally and profoundly DIVINE! Please… catch this Hope and Vision and join with me.