Today’s post follows on the heels (pun intended) of yesterdays’ post: “UNI-Pedalism, Pain, and the Holy Ghost.” Please read that post first.
[What follows was written in March of 2008. Much has happened since then. However, the experience and principle revealed is timeless. I will write far more about this issue and its implications in future posts. Please open your heart and mind as you continue. In peace…]
I had tried to dodge it. For months, pain had hunted me, taunting. After having relatively no problems with my mouth, and blessed with beautifully white, straight teeth (the oldest child of an orthodontist who had no need of her father’s skills), things began to change as I entered my twenties, married, and began having and raising my ten children. Slowly, my gums began receding and my teeth began dissolving and falling out.
I was convinced however, that somehow I would find the path to healing my mouth’s situation. Having proven to myself beyond debate the certainty that I held within me all the answers to my life’s questions, I clung to the hope that I would find this particular answer in time. Realizing that few, if any, would understand my quest, especially any designated “expert,” I could not shake my inner conviction that through a life of love and peaceful searching, applying the mental and emotional and physical health principles that I was guided to, I would find what I was looking for.
Further, there were so many scriptural promises as well as other anecdotal stories that I could not shake. Everything within me has KNOWN that full healing IS possible and that my life will prove that.
I thus, declined the dentist’s promptings for surgery. Instead, I researched, pondered, and brought into my life the steps I could take personally in an effort to heal the situation of my mouth.
Notwithstanding my faith and determination, all the while putting into action the healing protocols I felt drawn to, the last few years has seen several teeth depart from my mouth; each one increasing my determination to find the way to regenerate its once pristine environment.
Saturday was the first day of my seminar on discovering and living a joyful life with children and the child inside each of us. I had woken up with a tooth situation that had become more and more intensely persistent. I realized that with my increased daily workload in my in-home daycare of the last few days (having additionally taken on one-year-old triplets beginning at 5:30 am), in addition to preparation for my seminar, I had neglected sleep—my powerful ally in health, thus creating imbalance in my body.
Resolving to put it all behind me through service, my opportunity to focus on serving the attendees allowed the pain to quiet down somewhat. However, through a series of fortuitous events, the seminar was postponed at the last minute for the next month.
I now had the presence of mind to acknowledge the painful situation within my mouth and made the choice to take an extra strength “Tylenol.” I realized that the left side of my mouth and jaw was infected and that I was experiencing far more than a “tooth-ache.” Though I had so rarely in the past twenty years taken medication, preferring more “natural” pathways to peace and health, I succumbed. Pain’s ability to cut to the very root of a person’s resolve and reveal their true level of self-empowerment still intrigued me. I was doggedly trying to maintain my well of hope, yet with each ascending degree of pain, I realized that I was not quite so willing a “guinea pig” in this real-life scientific exploration. Thus my acquiescing to the pain reliever.
After about thirty minutes, the edge of the pain had gone. I half-wondered if perhaps my attempts to avoid medication all those years had been erroneous. Although I felt other effects as the drug made its way through my body, being highly aware of and sensitive to any drug, I was grateful for the relief and told myself that only in a state of peaceful consideration would I be able to deduce the best path forward. When the pain descended again, more Tylenol helped me make it through the night.
The next morning, I could feel the waves of painful spasm increasing in both their intensity and their frequency. Having gone through childbirth ten times, these waves of pain seemed to resemble the contractions of labor I knew so very well. By now, two extra strength capsules were not doing anything. I was in such horrific, nearly constant pain that I wondered how I could deal with life, much less my three year old daughter who had no concept of what was happening to her mother nor how to help.
Through desperation and experimentation, I found that by kneeling on the floor, leaning my head down, pulling out on my left ear canal, and blowing through my finger-plugged nose, I was able to relieve some of the pressure inside. I willed myself with the depths of my being to stay in peace and trust the experience. Through deep breathing, rocking back and forth, swathed with essential oils, and searching inside for the “happy button” in my mind, I did all I knew to alleviate the suffering I was experiencing.
Now, being completely immersed in tremendous and unrelenting agony, I only had a few seconds between pain spasms that I was able to think clearly, yet, during those few moments, I left a message with my cousin, Tyler, a dentist in town. After surviving the next cycle, I tried to call my friend Beth, only to get her answering machine. I wondered what more I could do. I decided to call my daughter, Alyssa. Fortuitously, she answered. She and her new husband had slept in and missed church, had just gotten ready and were walking out the door to their next meeting, otherwise, she would not have answered her phone. She said she’d be right over. These details would later reveal themselves to be a part of the miracle that was taking place.
I continued my “attempts-to-diminish-the-pain-exercises” even after she came. As I was able, between the rippling waves and in short bursts, I explained a bit of the situation. She was able to track down my cousin’s cell number and get through to him. Hearing the panic in her voice and words, he called in a prescription for pain medication and advised her to bring me in the next day to his office for some emergency treatment.
After Alyssa and Krystal arrived home from the store, I took the medication that had been prescribed. It was now 10 am. Enduring the next hour through clove oil reapplied to my gums and lavender oil on my neck and jaw and my continuing “alleviation exercises,” I waited in hope and anticipation of the Motrin clicking in. It wasn’t appearing to.
At 11 o’clock, it had now been an hour since I had taken the medication, with no lessening of symptoms.
Hoping for some form of relief, I crawled down the hall to make my way into the shower, continuing to importune the “heavens” for the help I knew it was trying to deliver to me. As the warm water descended upon my head and searching mind, I finally was able to receive the message that had been trying to get through to me all along. EUREKA! I realized that I had been training my pre-school children to get immediately back to their “balance” each time they were “de-railed”… through smiling and peace. I realized in that split second that I could at least try to smile. Duh…! *SMILE!* Why had it taken me so long to remember that all-important principle that I had endeavored to instill in their young minds? I realized, again, that the warm water of the shower was a powerful catalyst for me to be in a receiving mode. THANK YOU!
And, so… tugging against the pain, I reeled up the corners of my lips.
In my initial attempt of a small smile, a portion of the pain was “pushed back.” Oh, my Gosh! Was it really so?
I smiled bigger. More pain diminished.
I then smiled in the most contorted huge grin I could muster. THE PAIN WAS GONE! COMPLETELY!
No way! Really???
While getting dressed and combing my wet hair, I was able to waylay the pain for the next full two minutes!
As amazing as this discovering was, I also felt somewhat chagrined. Here, I had been teaching and training others to let everything go and to just “be happy!” I had known that it worked when in emotional pain of any kind, having proven that repeatedly through innumerable experiences in my life. I had taught my children to overcome their “owies” by “getting happy” and smiling. I had now proven the power of purposeful, intense smiling even in excruciating, debilitating pain.
I had long ago “remembered” to be at peace and happy no matter what my life’s experiences happened to be. I had even managed to live in that state nearly always. Through the years, I had been led to utilize this belief and to experience some amazing discoveries. Now I was being offered an opportunity to take that understanding to a new level and power.
Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, I beamed a huge, bizarre smile. Although my face was covered with red-speckled, blotched patches from all the hours of tremendous pain, I saw the light of hope from deep within shine through. Turning, I now made my way in to my daughters. Through squinty eyes, I relayed my discovery while we all, in baffled amazement, rejoiced.
Over the next while, I continued my face-filled grin. Although I was aware of the painful spasms, like livid demented beasts in the back of my mind attempting to predatorily make themselves back to further ravage their prey… me, my contorted smile was keeping them in the far distance of my brain.
There were a few minutes, however, when the pain reared its ugly head even as I continued with my hugely contorted smiling. At this point, I spontaneously broke out into a big chuckling laugh, entreating my daughters to join with me. Alyssa felt initially awkward about just laughing over nothing, but soon succumbed. It was hard for her to maintain a fearful, stoic attitude in the company of one so comical. My deep laughter further averted the pain.
With the precious and pure love of my daughter, combined with my own will and focused energy, we were truly performing a miracle. I was filled with awe and gratitude… and determination to continue.
Now, the songs, fingerplays and poems I had been teaching to my pre-schoolers took on even greater importance: “I AM Happy!” “If you chance to meet a frown, do not let it stay, quickly turn it upside down and SMILE that frown away,” etc. There is awesome power in the smile!
It has now been over ten years since this experience. I have learned and experienced much. I have continued to smile, allowing only the highest caliber of thoughts to play out in my mind, as I seek reasons and non-reasons to rejoice. I have walked through many dark tunnels, seen much suffering and despair… even directed at me and fully bent on my destruction.
Though I have not yet completely healed my body, nor my tooth situation, this is my belief, and the impetus to my “grand experiment”: that a steady diet of the “fruit of joy” will not only rejuvenate my entire body, but continue to assist me to bring forth the Intelligence and Wisdom available and wanting to assist me and those who align with me to heal the entire world.
To be continued…
In my pursuit of Real Truth, I have given up everything. Crawling through the “eye of the needle,” I have learned the *mysteries* and am now giving my life to assist YOU to dis-cover Who *YOU* really are, along with your unique gift to offer humanity. As you learn to seek (in the right place and with purified intent), you WILL find treasures of lasting value, along with every promised reward. Together, we will establish a society of humane beings and live life ALIVE, on PURPOSE, and with a sociality unequaled… because we will each BE and view each other as equally and profoundly DIVINE! Please… catch this Hope and Vision and join with me.