An empath was BORN to care for those in need; and one with narcissistic tendencies has great need.
Isaiah 49:15 “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?”
No. It is impossible.
There is a literal palpable bond between one in great need and one with the ability to fulfill that need.
While caring for my infant grandson a few years ago, and trying repeatedly to offer him the bottle his mother had left as he was obviously very hungry and demanding to be filled, my young daughter who had been watching and assisting me in my efforts to find a solution finally said, “You nurse him, mom!” We had danced with him, offered him pacifiers, and in various ways attempted to alleviate his hunger; to no avail. He wanted his mommy to nurse him and that was that. Yet mommy would be gone all day and was not available. Finally I heeded Krystal’s suggestion and put Radley to my dry breast. He eagerly nursed; receiving no milk for I had none to give. Yet, he was filled. Closing his eyes and sighing in warm relief, he finally went to sleep and was content for the rest of the day. I held him, in wonder.
Like each of us, Radley exemplified that more than the physical need for food and drink is the greater spiritual need to be “nursed” with validation and empathy.
Narcissists, borderline personality disorder-ists, indeed each and every one on the earth to some degree or another… everyone needs to be “nursed.” Thus, the breast has become the symbol of coveting, of lust, of longing. Feed me. I thirst. Give me your tit, I am lacking. Expose more of what you have to offer to tantalize me. Indeed, all of mankind (or nearly) is starving for the same affection and validation that Radley was. Yet, it is not the physical breast that they hunger for, but that which it represents. Hold me. Nurture me. Fill me with warmth and validation. Let me know that I matter, that I am safe, that you care.
Like a powerful magnetic attractor to a small piece of steel, the one with great ability to empathically feel the wounds and lack within another pulls the wounded one to her for healing.
As a mother with her suckling child.
The two belong together.
It just is.
A better question might be:
What can an empath do and learn to be better prepared for dealing with narcissists?
A: Ye shall know the Truth and the Truth shall set you free.
Indeed, once you understand the reality of the situation, that understanding will empower you. Empowerment will assist you to better deal with the inevitable, finding the beauty and the purpose along the way.
Realize: earth life experience is to assist each one of us to become WEALTHY of SPIRIT, in other words, to take upon ourselves the opportunity to FEEL within a physical body EMOTION and learn to ACT UPON those feelings with maturity and in ways that benefit the good of all. Eventually, the “trophy” is *JOY* and Wisdom within an advanced and eternal body.
While it is obvious that a newborn infant, if fed and cared for properly, will develop physically, what has been long miss-understood is that the most important development will be of the spirit.
Because the spirit is invisible to most, it has been largely overlooked as the primary responsibility in responsible parenting. Yes, it is the emotions (spirit) that must be cultivated and properly nourished to achieve full adulthood. Indeed, there are many who currently LOOK mature who are, nonetheless, emotional toddlers. These are the ones who are wreaking great havoc in the world. These are they who leave in their wake wounded victims, refuse and littered lives. These are they who often clamor for recognition, seeking for the validation and approval from a substitute source. Looking in the mirror on the wall or within another’s eyes, they SEE themselves as adults, yet within the enclosed walls of their homes they ACT like the emotionally wounded youngsters they are while often fooling those in the outer world.
Again, once the truth of the situation is understood, that truth will bring about a change in interactions, bringing healing and peace for all.
Please read the following with an open mind.
A newborn child enters this world and requires a stable secure environment with a caregiver who understands and fulfills his real needs. As related above, a child’s emotional needs are even more important than his physical needs of food, shelter and warmth. Because there is much lacking in our society in how to properly provide those spiritual (emotional) needs, a child appears to grow up and mature, even gaining tremendous ability to interact amongst society, yet, without gaining control over his emotions and becoming the master of his own hormones, his interactions among others, particularly within intimate relationships, are potentially disastrous.
A woman who gives birth to and attempts to raise children where she herself is an emotional toddler creates disastrous experiences that ruin, potentially, generation after generation.
A man, with his often greater physical strength and, as civilization has placed heightened acknowledgement upon his viewpoint than upon a woman’s, this man who is emotionally immature does not have it within him to “raise up” those within his stewardship; as a father, co-worker, or intimate spouse.
Those who have learned to push their way around and with their greater strength pulverize those within their paths have squandered their opportunities to uplift the little ones who have looked to them. They couldn’t do otherwise.
Thus, the Hitlers. The Dahmers. And, to lesser degrees, many others throughout history.
Until recently, voices have quivered in silence.
But, again, “Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” And this truth, if sincerely sought, is now available “upon the rooftops” because of the internet. Yet, one must often sift through much B.S. in one’s attempts to find this degree of Real Truth.
With a re-focusing upon the Spirit, or upon the Unseen (with the physical eyes) realm of emotions, we as a society can begin to value those among us who HAVE achieved EMOTIONAL Maturity. We can speak up and reveal the hidden actions of those who act without integrity.
Yet, we can NOT proceed in anger or with a driveling “poor me” victimhood, but with intent to reveal that which is done in secret AS WE GO FORWARD IN THE POWER OF EMOTIONAL STRENGTH.
Realize: one who is emotionally weak (poor in spirit) merely has a gaping wound, a “bottomless pit.” They have had early severance of their trust issues and have not learned to heal so that they can grow UP and become emotionally strong (wealthy in spirit). While these must be exposed so that they can (hopefully) at some point realize that they MUST take responsibility for their inner wounds and properly be RE-parented, those of us who DO have emotional strength (“empaths”) must deal with them and all others from a place of objective empowerment.
Narcissists (and those with weak spirits) are in scriptural terms called “eunuchs.”
Scripturally, a eunuch is one without an inner power source. They have no “light” or power (seed) within themselves. Like a physical eunuch, one born with undescended, missing or damaged testicles, the term eunuch was used within scripture to refer to one who is unable to manufacture the hormones necessary to reproduce spiritual power. And, one “cannot live on borrowed (or raped or stolen) light!”
As Jesus explained in Matthew 19 of the Bible: “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.”
In classical Greek, eunouchos (translated “eunuch”) referred to men who were placed in charge of women. The position normally required that the man be castrated so that he could not have sexual relations with his master’s women.
Again, there are three designations for eunuchs:
- Natural born eunuchs
- Made eunuchs by men
- Chose to be eunuchs
In simplicity, there are those born into physical existence who have not yet been spiritually foundationalized. In other words, they are “poor in spirit,” having weak ability to empathize. Without the ability to feel, understand, properly act upon their own feeling state, they do not yet have a fully developed conscience, for a conscience is predicated upon emotional maturity. Without this emotional maturity (empathy) they can not assist another with their feelings. Duh! You can not give what you do not have! These are those who are born as eunuchs. They have no power (spirit) within themselves.
Because those lacking a firm spiritual (emotional) foundation have instead learned to depend upon their physical and mental strengths, they have “succeeded” within a culture that validates and rewards physical and mental propensities. But this society is not sustainable. In fact, it is quickly imploding. We have arrived at a time when women have a voice and, together with the internet, the voice of the previously unheard is receiving worldwide audience. Thus, in order to continue, the “narcissists” must accept their prior strengths as impediments to their emotional advancement. Indeed, the cocky confidence displayed by narcissists and others lacking emotional maturity is their greatest hindrance to healing and spiritual treasures!
Even more devastating are those who have been malevolently treated as children and, without sufficient spiritual strength, have turned bitter and learned to lash out upon others weaker than themselves (whether covertly or openly). These fit the second qualification as having been made eunuchs by men (or others). Living from a place of counterfeit power, they operate instead from a level of force. Those who live from a place of forceful control of others might appear to win battles, but eventually, they lose the greater reward of their soul… unless they are caught in time and responsibly choose to accept appropriate assistance to overcome their situation.
The third stipulation are those who have, of their own choice, become eunuchs. While the other two situations (#1: born without emotional power or #2: stripped and twisted of their power through wounding experiences in early childhood), this third category is far different. Those who CHOOSE to be eunuchs are those who choose to “bridle their passions” and gain perfect control over their emotions and the “lusts of the flesh” (the “natural man”). As such, the term eunuch was used scripturally for one who was safe to be placed as a servant for a woman, caring for her needs without being threatening to the kingdom. This state is one that all must choose at some point within their spiritual development. It is this “Door #3” that allows one to go on and become potentially powerful. These are the “meek” who “shall inherit the earth.”
“Becoming as a little child,” as these who choose to “bridle their passions,” allows for the spirit to develop without the raging hormones. When one sincerely chooses to enter along this path, they then gravitate to a spiritual “mother” who is WEALTHY in spirit, in other words, one with great empathy who can assist them to come to appropriately feel, act upon, and understand their own emotions. This is how the “trust cycle” is healed for an older individual.
Yes, a spiritual mother is necessary for all who are weak and “poor in spirit” (lacking emotional maturity).
THIS is the deep bond that is felt between an “empath” and a “narcissist”… or any other psychological designation where one is lacking sufficient inner resources to deal correctly and intimately with others. While one might (and often does) fool platonic others that they are “kind, compassionate, honorable, and integrous,” those of great empathic natures who partner up with one who is emotionally weak (“narcissistic”) and become intimately bound, soon discover their hidden gaping wounds. Like any physically responsible mother, the empathic partner then attempts to “nurse” or spiritually provide sustenance and assistance to their partner.
Because the situation has not hitherto been understood, the acknowledgement that it is impossible to heal from personality dis-orders has been accepted. Drugs to neutralize the feelings have placated some. Others have taken refuge under a pathetic label. Still others have succumbed to suicide or behind bars.
Instead, what is sorely needed is for those who DO have emotional integrity and mastery (“True Empaths”) to STEP UP. The world needs us. NOW. Quit quivering behind your experiences of being stabbed by the toddler playing with his emotional sword. Realize that with Your degree of spiritual maturity YOU are the Mother! If you need time to heal your wounds, do so. Remove yourself from the situation. Heal. You do not need to beg sympathy from others over the internet. Decide: are you capable of being a spiritual adult? As such, will you mother others in need? If this is your choice, then when a “narcissist” is attracted to your care and love, BE the “mother” that you are! Utilize “tough love.” Call him on his shit. Make him clean up his messes. If you pour on appropriate and unfaltering love, yet utilize chastisement properly, he will either choose to grow UP emotionally, or leave. If he leaves, good riddance! Do not send part of your spirit with him. Remain in your integrous strength. Stay pure and resilient.
Realize: society’s fixation on cleavage, skin, and (primarily) the breasts, is all about realizing its hidden hunger for emotional healing. Ahhh… there is a potential “Mommy.” Perhaps within Her arms and held emotionally close to Her, I can heal!
As more and more of us step up to our spiritual charge to “raise the sons of earth” properly, as women quit allowing themselves to dress, act, or be used as seductive objects of lust which draw the lower level males to them for their temporary feel-good “hits,” as we collectively band together and empower each other, exposing those who covertly play on other unwary victims, while always maintaining our individual and collective power, we will TOGETHER overcome our temporary alarming epidemic.
Can you imagine a day when EACH of us are emotional adults? When everyone is empathic and spiritually mature?
AS you imagine this, as you stand in your power and assist others to likewise administer “tough love” to those who are physically grown yet emotionally immature, we will succeed to heal our current “narcissistic epidemic.”
Just over four years ago, I magnetically drew to me a precious human being who was deeply lacking in emotional strength. Because he had for his physically adult life learned how to dismiss or hide his emotions, keeping a hidden private life amongst those who thought they knew him well, he had convinced himself that he was surfing through life as an “honorable, responsible” person. Not! Finally admitting to himself loneliness and desiring to discover truth, Real Truth, for himself, he unknowingly called forth spiritual growth. Thus, he found his way to me and felt an undeniable and instantaneous deep magnetic attraction. (See my link at Kimberly Davis Wallis’ answer to How do you know if you are ready for a relationship or not? )
Not knowing at that time the principles I have just written, I had to learn through my own experiences with him. But I did. As I emotionally “nursed” my beloved, he went through emotional challenges. Sometimes he met his challenges with great raging anger. I did not engage with him at that level. When I countered with “tough love” or silence he would either throw me out or, usually, realize what he would be missing and come around. For four years we did our dance together. I stayed in my power. Gradually, overcoming great odds, my beloved began to take control of his emotions… at times. Slowly he began to trust… me. Although we separated often, always I maintained my strength, applying the amazing words of Christ found in Matthew 5:12 (please consider reading and studying these in my former posts here). As I have shared, two months ago, I finally and firmly, left him. He had proven his ability to take control of his emotions and pull himself up… sometimes.
Since then he has waivered greatly. Angry and embarrassed and missing me, yet wallowing in his “vomit,” he has made many choices. To save his face, he has contrived tales about me that have hooked others from whom he now “nurses.” But they aren’t aware of his dis-ease! They don’t know about his secret inner world! They are feeding the very counterfeit traits that have kept him from the JOY and wisdom of his True Self. Yet, they don’t understand and coddle him instead. And so, he has fallen deep in these last two months. Will he remain there, fooling many others who lack understanding of what his healing needs are? That is yet to be seen. But, I continue to stand in my power while silently and from a distance sending him my empowering light. Some day, I believe, he Will leave the “prodigal life” and walk the high road.
Regardless, I have had revealed to me the pathway for healing “narcissists” and others who are “poor in spirit.” Whether my “beloved” humbly allows himself to be a lasting recipient of these revelations or not remains to be seen. Overcoming great hurdles requires tremendous fortitude and persistent determination. And humility. AND a mentor with sufficient emotional reserves to properly assist.
Whereas those operating from addictions of powerful drugs can “check themselves in” to healing asylums, there is not yet a facility that has been erected upon the proper principles to heal those who “are drunken, but not with wine; they stagger, but not with strong drink.” (Isaiah 29:9) Yes, “narcissists” and all those who are emotionally immature get their “fixes” on the neurotransmitters that cater to anger and self-justification, creating a “dry drunk” who seeks refuge in lies and twisted truths, who staggers, loses their ability to reason, and views others as the objects of their lusts and for their own advantage. Always looking out “for somebody to love me.”
For those willing to learn the principles that must be utilized to go forward as a combined powerful force to bring healing and unity to our society, I invite you to fill in your contact information in the “Please Join Me” link, and allow me to assist you. Together, holding hands and joining in “one mind and one heart,” we can be successful.
For those who have determination to emotionally grow into full maturity, I respect you greatly. You CAN do it! There are some already emotionally mature who can become your prophesied (Isaiah 49:23) “nursing fathers and mothers.”
Together, we can bind up the wounds, raise the young and childlike and reclaim our joyful birthright.
In my pursuit of Real Truth, I have given up everything. Crawling through the “eye of the needle,” I have learned the *mysteries* and am now giving my life to assist YOU to dis-cover Who *YOU* really are, along with your unique gift to offer humanity. As you learn to seek (in the right place and with purified intent), you WILL find treasures of lasting value, along with every promised reward. Together, we will establish a society of humane beings and live life ALIVE, on PURPOSE, and with a sociality unequaled… because we will each BE and view each other as equally and profoundly DIVINE! Please… catch this Hope and Vision and join with me.