“There were panicked pre-school parents and several others who expressed deep horror and sadness about my extricating myself from such an integral place in their lives. Others offered other perspectives of “fear” and “loss,” some even trying to psychoanalyze my “irrational behavior.” Many others expressed very warm and encouraging views, hoping to perhaps join with me in the near future. Melanie (my sister) even gently volunteered to rescue Krystal and raise her until I came back to my senses and the “land of the free.” Each shared their own perspective.
I listened to and validated each one, holding firmly to the light within myself. For in my own heart, unknown to my “rational” mind, came the deep and penetrating call that we would be all right and that I would continue to “feel” my way through the “unknowns” to the place where I could most serve and bless and, thus, find the greatest joy for myself and others.
Of most importance to me in this time of transition was strengthening the already deep bonds I had with my eight children who would not be accompanying me in this unprecedented move. How I thrilled as they each shared of their hearts and support for me. A couple gave a little grin as they slightly shook their heads and said, “That’s just you, mom. You’ve always wanted to do something like this.” I earnestly spent every moment I possibly could validating and encouraging them each in their own unique paths. Yes, there were tears. Yes, we will miss each other. But, I KNOW, that “in the end” it’s all good! I so look forward to the day that they will be more a part of my life and living possibly closer to their own heart’s compass. It will be of most interest to watch and support them–even from “afar” as they journey through their own paths.
Through the 12 or so weeks of transition, I had the sense that I was preparing for my own “death” and that I had been informed I had three months to live. What a tremendous opportunity I had: to take care of as many details and lovingly preparing those around me for my “transition.” At times it felt surreal. Truly, I WAS “burying” the old me… the me that had tried to be “me” yet had also bought in to all the other programming of those in my life (parents, teachers, culture, religion, “experts,” etc.) and had, in some ways, tried to live up to their expectations and requirements for “me,” too. Yes, this person that “I” and others knew as “me” was being buried, her ashes spread or collected in a few “keepsake memorabilia urns” or embedded in a few hearts. The new, truer “ME” would be rising from those ashes and living a new life–this time TRULY ALIVE.
Yes, there were a few moments when I thought: “What AM I Doing???” I did shed several tears as I contemplated the lack of physical contact that I would have with so many dear to me. After all, there WERE innumerable unknowns and “what if’s???”. This truly was a venture with no “guide book” or any other “wise one” holding my hand.
Though it would most definitely have been easier to have been going with another individual or a group or without a young child looking up to me for her needs and guidance, I had the deep “knowing” that, at this leg of the journey, I must be going it “alone.” I also knew that even if I DID make a huge “mistake” or a whole slew of them for that matter, that I would not really learn or grow by staying in relative security and by taking no real risks, never branching out into the unknown. I could learn from those “mistakes.” AND, if I were to ignore the deep, warm calling of my heart to TAKE THIS NEXT STEP, I would never again know the peace that I had already established in my life, much less grow to a level of greater peace, joy and wisdom BEYOND.”
The little babe may be all that a babe could be, or ought to be, and may therefore perfectly please its mother, and yet it is very far from being what that mother would wish it to be when the years of maturity shall come.
The apple in June is a perfect apple for June. It is the best apple that June can produce. But it is very different from the apple in October, which is a perfected apple.
God’s works are perfect in every stage of their growth. Man’s works are never perfect until they are in every respect complete.
I was once visiting an idiot asylum and looking at the children going through dumb-bell exercises. Now we all know that it is a very difficult thing for idiots to manage their movements. They have strength enough, generally, but no skill to use this strength, and as a consequence cannot do much. And in these dumb-bell exercises this deficiency was very apparent. They made all sorts of awkward movements. Now and then, by a happy chance, they would make a movement in harmony with the music and the teacher’s directions, but for the most part all was out of harmony. One little girl, however, I noticed, who made perfect movements. Not a jar nor a break disturbed the harmony of her exercises. And the reason was, not that she had more strength than the others, but that she had no strength at all. She could not so much as close her hands over the dumb-bells, nor lift her arms, and the master had to stand behind her and do it all. She yielded up her members as instruments to him, and his strength was made perfect in her weakness. He knew how to go through those exercises, for he himself had planned them, and therefore when he did it, it was done right. She did nothing but yield herself up utterly into his hands, and he did it all. The yielding was her part, the responsibility was all his. It was not her skill that was needed to make harmonious movements, but only his. The question was not of her capacity, but of his. Her utter weakness was her greatest strength. And if this is a picture of our Christian life, it is no wonder that Paul could say, “Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” Who would not glory in being so utterly weak and helpless, that the Lord Jesus Christ should find no hindrance to the perfect working of His mighty power through us and in us?
Then, too, if the work is His, the responsibility is His, and we have no room left for worrying about it. Everything in reference to it is known to Him, and He can manage it all. Why not leave it all with Him then, and consent to be treated like a child and guided where to go. It is a fact that the most effectual workers I know are those who do not feel the least care or anxiety about their work, but who commit it all to their dear Master, and, asking Him to guide them moment by moment in reference to it, trust Him implicitly for each moment’s needed supplies of wisdom and of strength. To see such, you would almost think perhaps that they were too free from care, where such mighty interests are at stake. But when you have learned God’s secret of trusting, and see the beauty and the power of that life which is yielded up to His working, you will cease to condemn, and will begin to wonder how any of God’s workers can dare to carry burdens, or assume responsibilities which He alone is able to bear.
Again, where my life will continue to lead, where I will go from there, I can’t even guess. It is likely that I will help in orphanages. I might open a school of some kind. Perhaps I will make and sell my “green drinks” and smoothies. Perhaps I will do nothing more than walk among the poor and bind up their hearts as I laugh with and interact with them. Whatever I find to do to sustain us and fulfill our inner joy in life, I am fairly sure it will involve children and parents, music and laughter. All I know is that life is a grand adventure; love IS the (only) answer; the injunction to “do unto others as you would have others do unto you”—always—is the only road to true and lasting peace.
Krystal’s nature seems to be very similar to my own. I have no doubts that this new chapter in each of our lives will bring us both great joys, heartache, tax our physical, mental and emotional boundaries, and give us many further lessons in loving, teaching and truly serving. Perhaps it will open up further the implementation of the Worldwide United Foundation (wwunited.org), thus helping to end all poverty, loneliness, stress and despair—for every one—for ever.
Throughout my brief 46 years on this planet I have filled my life, mind and heart with poignant stories of others who have gone before me who have “done the impossible.” Many were scorned and chalked up by all others are “crazy,” insane,” “off their rocker.” Yet always, often unknown by others, each person who has taken up their inner charge to follow that divine directive from within, against all apparent odds, has changed at least themselves. Sometimes they have been led to bless the lives of others. Often their courage, that appeared to masquerade as insanity, was a catalyst for others to live their own lives without fear, finding their own unique joy within themselves.
It Couldn’t Be Done
Somebody said that it couldn’t be done,
But he with a chuckle replied
That “maybe it couldn’t,” but he would be one
Who wouldn’t say so till he’d tried.
So he buckled right in with the trace of a grin
On his face. If he worried he hid it.
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done, and he did it.
Somebody scoffed: “Oh, you’ll never do that;
At least no one ever has done it;”
But he took off his coat and he took off his hat,
And the first thing we knew he’d begun it.
With a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin,
Without any doubting or quiddit,
He started to sing as he tackled the thing
That couldn’t be done, and he did it.
There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure;
There are thousands to point out to you, one by one,
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
That “cannot be done,” and you’ll do it.
This morning I received another call from my friend. Today, Bob’s voice sounded very different than yesterday. As he shared his current feelings arising from recent choices and deep soul-searching, it was obvious the emotional and spiritual growth he has made. I thrilled for him. He is a precious exemplification of one’s natural “weaknesses” becoming his strength. Bob, I now offer YOU an opportunity to share through this blog your self-discovery that you shared with me in our conversation. Understandably, you will shrink from being in any “spotlight,” preferring to assist from the wings unobserved. If you don’t feel ready at this time, take the time you need. I believe that you may be a great help for others who are spending their lives and great effort to make a difference in the world and change it to something better. How has your emphasis changed? As long as I have known you, you have been a very hard worker, one who has deeply wanted to bring about a Zion society. What have you personally discovered about utilizing your strengths and also about owning and strengthening your weaknesses?
I end with personal encouragement for each of you who desires to leave the world and worldliness and become solely focused on assisting our mutual Father. We need You! 🙂
In my pursuit of Real Truth, I have given up everything. Crawling through the “eye of the needle,” I have learned the *mysteries* and am now giving my life to assist YOU to dis-cover Who *YOU* really are, along with your unique gift to offer humanity. As you learn to seek (in the right place and with purified intent), you WILL find treasures of lasting value, along with every promised reward. Together, we will establish a society of humane beings and live life ALIVE, on PURPOSE, and with a sociality unequaled… because we will each BE and view each other as equally and profoundly DIVINE! Please… catch this Hope and Vision and join with me.