How are you? Really. How are you? How are those you associate with? Can you truthfully, completely, claim HAPPINESS? A Warm, Peace-filled HEART? Can your closest friends and family members? Do you have nothing more to pine about because you have found… and become happy, quintessentially happy? Or, is your chronic state one of a semblance of happiness? Do you “do happy” when out in public? Do you put on your “happy smile” when intermingling with others? Does that smile resonate within every cell of your being, creasing your eyes so that others wonder if you can see? Are you truly, peacefully, warmly, eternally… HAPPY?
Without deep and integrous introspection, many would whip out an answer to my preceding questions in the affirmative.
And they might be right… to an extent.
But is that really enough?… For YOU?
There are so very many today who do not let themselves feel. Or, who THINK they feel. Whether they have never been allowed or trained to feel and honor their emotions, or whether they’ve been deeply hurt and so they’ve built an impenetrable wall around their innermost sanctuary, our population today is largely robotic “Pinocchios.” Wanna-be Real Boys. But, now is the time and I am sharing A way for hearts to be “circumcised,” assisted in gaining depth and purity and understanding of feeling… while taking responsibility for their emotions. This is more than “A” way, this is “THE” way appointed for true and lasting healing, for all.
You see, the more one focuses completely within them self and upon their own happiness gauge, the greater one’s ability to sensitively determine how they truly feel. Because so many in today’s society are focused OUTSIDE them self, what they HAVE, what they DO, what they HAVE TO DO, Who is validating their existence, what do OTHERS HAVE… many have closed down or never fully opened up their ability to FEEL *HAPPY.*
With today’s “narcissistic epidemic,” many are truly “past feeling.” Although they might THINK they FEEL, there is an inner longing for deep connection and tenderness. When one finds another who is able to truly and deeply feel, operating from a depth of sincere feeling, they have found a *PEARL of Great Price*! These *Pearls* are here now on the Earth to join together as One Powerful Force for Good! A Pearl Necklace! Yet, few today have been taught how to cherish these pearls who have the capacity and propensity to feel deeply. Often, they are the most under-valued in society as “civilization” has put its value upon the “robots,” those who can utilize their quasi-logical mind and spit out information and facts that have no long-term value. Our real, inherent value, that which we are eternally known by, is our capacity to Feel. Therefore, these “Pearls” are the most valuable asset we as a society have. It is crucial that these “Pearls” join their sincere seeking-to-alleviate-the-suffering-in-this-world-hearts TOGETHER.
Ironically, many of those in today’s culture with little capacity to Feel, have made the biggest name for themselves, look the most “accomplished,” invest the most time-interest-effort-money into their outside appearances, have the most digits after their names, the largest bank accounts, are “quasi-honored and worshipped” by those who aspire to become them. These with little capacity to empathically feel are the tormenting Narcissists and their weak wanna-be’s. These are the “robots,” the “Pinocchios.” Those without “circumcised hearts.” And They are just as traumatized by their situation as any they afflict!
Today, there is a growing awareness and unrest surrounding those either officially or unofficially diagnosed as “narcissists.” Additionally, other neuro-untypical designations have arisen such as “borderline personality disorder,” sociopath, psychopath, etc. etc. Each of these categories defines characteristics that make interaction with those among these designations difficult at best.
Though narcissists lack the ability to feel WITH another person what that other person is feeling, they do have a “cognitive empathy.” Cognitive empathy is not a “feeling,” it’s simply the ability to rationally perceive another person’s perspective or mental state.
Yet, while emotional empathy is low or non-existent, narcissists do possess the capacity to experience some degree of emotional empathy if and when they deeply WILL themselves to. For a “narcissist,” it isn’t so much that they lack the ability to feel with and for another, but like any weak muscle that atrophies from lack of exercise, without being taught and lacking vigilant practice, the narcissist’s emotional empathy is largely an enigma. Shrouding the ability to feel is an encasement of shame and fear, implanted from their earliest perceptions of not being “perfect” or “good enough” for their care-givers. This causes a grand internal shrug, a shame-driven withdrawal and avoidance of emotionally charged situations, leading to an unwillingness to empathize. In their past attempts to reach in and feel with another individual, their faltering attempts have met deep disappointment, anguish and pain. To ameliorate more pain, a narcissist has chosen on a deep level a deliberate attempt to avoid feeling vulnerable.
The following three paragraphs are a direct quote from Arnie Baker, who presents the situation so well, at: https://www.quora.com/ Arnie abbreviates those with “Narcissist Personality Disorder” to NPD. (I, at times, have abbreviated it to “N”.)
Those with NPD are not fully developed in their whole object relations. Whole object relations are formed while we are mere weeks & months old, and help us as humans to be able to cope normally with society and the people we meet in it. If we are unable to cope properly with other people, then forming normal relationships with others becomes haphazard at best.. impossible at worst. Those who have NPD cannot form proper relationships as we know them normally due to this dysfunction in whole object relations. Their sense of self is incomplete and unreal, and they must have external validation else shame would overwhelm them. In fact, shame to a person with NPD is the exact equivalent to death on a normal person, which is why they must avoid it at all costs. We would too if afflicted, each and every single one of us without one single exception.
This all being said, a person with NPD must control many things in their lives to prevent this feeling which we learn when we grow up normally. We learn that it’s ok to be wrong and to apologize or that other people have feelings too that matter and we place ourselves in their shoes so as to get a sense of what our actions do to others. No matter what, a person with NPD is UNABLE to do that. Please notice I said unable & not unwilling. A person with NPD does not want this dysfunction in their lives but there is no way for them to truly voice it as they mature. They notice the subtle differences and are harmed tremendously by this awful disadvantage. They are suffering. Yet, they don’t know it. Nor does anyone else.. not even their immediate families I’m afraid.
In order to live “normally” a person with NPD must feel good about themselves, which we all do. However, built in with this loss of object constancy is the thought that they are the center of their own universe and everything & everyone else is built around it. This leads to obvious problems in that they can feel no empathy for others. This allows a person with NPD to do many things to protect themselves which they ordinarily would not do. Over time, these “secrets” add up and many more lies are put in their hidden closets. Since these “secrets” are vital to the narcissists identity and since their identity is life itself to them, anything which threatens to expose ANY of those things is a threat to them. What would be a mere embarrassment for you and I is life or death to someone suffering from this disease. No more. No less.
There is tremendous suffering here on BOTH sides… no.. in fact ALL sides when it comes to this disorder. These people who have it are innocent. But so are we who must deal with them. There are many who say, LEAVE a “N” as fast as you can, go “no contact,” don’t look back! Yet is it high time that we as already semi-awake people finish waking the hell up to what is truly going on here. There are millions of people who have been wronged, harmed, deeply traumatized by these EQUALLY traumatized “N’s.” There is rampant abuse going on on all sides with people “feeling their way through the dark” on this issue. It’s time to join together. To become one. PLEASE go to my link “JOIN WITH ME” on the right and do that: Join With Me… and all others with high intent and sincere desire to assist, to be the hands and hearts to ratify this situation. For Good. For All.
Enough Is Enough, people!
Because of the deep well of shame and vulnerability within a narcissist, they become a magnet to those who are perceived as capable of filling their well. Yet, when the “other” reaches back to them for feelings of connection and relationship confirmation, the narcissist has none to give. Their well is dry. And, when the narcissist horrifyingly discovers that their supply’s well has ceased to flow in their direction, trauma ensues as they thrash out, spewing forth their own deeply-buried shame in attempts to wound the other for wounding them by not yielding a continual supply.
When this happens, when one is dealing with the venomous wounds of a narcissist, what can one do?
First: by working zealously and deeply upon your self, you develop a self-sustaining Respect and depth of composure that prepares you in advance for any surprise attacks. Thus, when faced with a rabid narcissist and witnessing the volcanic eruption of their anger and pain spewing forth upon you, you can rely upon your inner tensile strength, digging your emotional roots deep into Mother Earth for additional sustenance during the attack phase. This is the internal and immediate reaction.
Second: How to respond to a narcissist’s rage: Realize that this is all about THEM, their pain. Life (perhaps an experience with you) has triggered their buried trauma and they are suddenly immersed within the deep sulfuric wounds of childhood. IF they will allow you to hold them without attacking you, do so. Let them vent and release their bottled-up emotion. Do not take anything they say personal. This is all about them.
Here is a possible “script” which could assist you if you are able to come from a place of compassionate sincerity.
EVERYONE has the right… and the need… to feel “heard.” YOU have that right.You are “being emotional” because you HAVE emotions!Emotions are energy in motion. Again, Emotions ARE Energy In Motion.
You are Being Emotional BECAUSE *YOU* are Energy and You have damned energy’s flow within your more dense physical body. Energy exists to MOVE. It Cannot be bottled up without causing damage to its container. You have trapped energy within you that is swirling and churning and boiling and…
ready to *EXPLODE* !!!
This is how a volcano prepares for its eruption. You are currently experiencing volcanic activity. But…
Whether you know it or not, you have choices.
You can deal with this emotion as many people do:
you can take legal drugs and become a “zombie”
you can take ILLEGAL drugs and become a “zombie”
you can commit suicide
you can cut yourself or do any number of harmful things to your body
you can lash out and hurt someone else
you can distract yourself through shopping, movies, sleeping, sex, etc.
But… none of these HELP. They just rip out the thermostat and cause more harm, more damage, more emotions to deal with later, and contribute to other’s toxic energy as well.
Your emotions are your *Integrity Thermostat.* They are your indication of how in alignment You are with *YOU*.
“Being emotional” indicates that You are NOT in your deep and blissful *PEACE.* Duh! But ripping out or covering up your thermostat is not the solution. That just masks the problems. The symptoms are the effect, they are not the cause. They are your True Self’s attempts to get a message to you. They are working. You “hear” your Inner Voice telling you that SOMETHING IS WRONG. You are “out of balance.” Off kilter.
there IS a proper, helpful way to “change” yourself. You are reaching out. You obviously do not want to continue to feel the way you do. I am so grateful that you turned to me now. I am grateful that I am here for you now. Please… if you Truly want to change… in the only productive and beneficial way possible… please open up your heart and your mind and allow my words to sink in.
YOU have a right to be “heard.”
You may not have a safe avenue to “vent.” You may not have a safe person with whom to share. It is essential that you share with someone wise, someone who will not judge, who will not take offense, who will not take upon themselves your pain, your poisoned energy. It is deeply important that the person with whom you honor your feelings KNOWS HOW to deal with your feelings correctly. You may not have access to a person such as that at this time. Most do not.
But… if you can just allow yourself to believe… you do have a wise and mature FUTURE SELF.
This is an Eternal, Divine Being that Understands, Totally Understands, what you have gone through… why you have handled each situation as you have. This Divine Being holds no judgment towards you. None. Zip. This Wise Future Self is like a safe big sister that has witnessed your difficulties, understood your thoughts and feelings, been there experiencing it with you the entire time. Now, if and when you are ready, open your heart and your mind and visualize HER. See HER sitting in front of you, holding your hand, wiping away your tear, patting your back as you let it out. She can only be there for you when you draw near unto her and allow that to take place. That is an eternal law. Let her reveal her presence to you now, in your great need. Let her hold you and comfort you. Let it out. Let it all out….
When your sobs subside, get a clean piece of paper… or a stack of them… or a notebook. Write down what you feel from deep inside. What is her wisdom to you? What is she saying? How would she suggest you proceed? What is needed to change your situation? Listen… deeply. She will talk when she knows you are listening. Write down what you “hear.” There is wisdom there. Guidance.
Do not judge her instruction. She knows what she’s talking about. She knows your past, your future. She knows what’s on the horizon. She understands the growth that you have in store. Listen with gratitude. Then apply it. Make the changes that she suggests. It might be changes of attitude. The changes might involve actions, behavior, thoughts, dietary habits, relationships, physical location or work related changes. Be open to and accepting of all that she says. Write it down. Apply those changes. With gratitude.
As you continue to live your life, go to her often. Check in several times a day. Are you on your new and improved life course? She will talk to you through your feelings. A deep peaceful *HHHUUUMMM* indicates that you are in alignment with her guidance. When you begin to feel anxious or concerned, know that that is her way of trying to get your attention, letting you know at an early juncture that you are off-course in some way. Check in with her then. Was it a thought that was out-of-balance? Or, perhaps it was a food that you were thinking of eating? Or maybe it was an action or something you thought that needed to be brought into alignment. As you “tune in” to her and get to know her voice, her wisdom, your life will come more and more into a comfortable flow. You will feel more and more empowered and capable of living the life that you were BORN to Live.
Because of the path that you have walked thus far, you have experienced many things that were in contradiction to the path you will walk in your future. There is NOTHING WRONG with the path you have trod thus far… IF YOU GAIN THE WISDOM from your past “mistakes” and… with Her help… apply that wisdom to make your course corrections.
Without those experiences, you would not have understood others’ dilemmas, nor would you have known how to help make others’ lives easier. Your past and your obviously open and broken heart have allowed you to access “empathy.” And empathy (the ability to feel and understand what another is feeling) allows you to be of service in life.
As your future life takes upon more service, you will discover greater and greater levels of JOY and self-validation as you bring comfort and alleviation of distress and validation to others.
You have a grand future ahead of you! But, in order to properly get there, listen to your feelings. Allow yourself to “be emotional”… correctly and for your long-term benefit.
Allow yourself to let out your feelings in a way that can then grow beautiful flowers. Picture the island of Hawaii that was CREATED BY a volcanic eruption and is NOW a lush, tropical paradise. YOU Be that beautiful new environment that grows flowers and contributes loveliness to the world.
You are precious!
You are here on this earth at this time to fulfill a purpose… a purpose that ONLY *YOU* can live.
We need *YOU.*
I believe in *YOU.*
IF, the situation does NOT allow for you to assist their emotional release in a way that is SAFE for you or others, here are some things that you can do to maintain personal integrity and safety and possibly give them time to come back down:
Be a “rock.” Disengage. Without your emotional interaction, your Narcissistic partner is likely to find it harder to fight with you. Utilize the energy that you are not expending in fighting or defending to instead create a secure barrier between the two of you. Encircle yourself with a safe cocoon of pure light. If possible, shower out peace to her, too. Although she may not receive your calming energy at this time, in a moment when she relaxes her charge, she just might open a crack in her hardened shell, allow some of your peaceful light in, and allow herself to calm down and return to a neutral position.
Do a productive chore if possible.
If safe to do so, leave. Give her time to settle down while you enjoy a positive experience without her.
Unobtrusively pack and be prepared to drop everything and leave if necessary. Do not stick around. Get out of their presence.
Love your Self.
Please go to the link on the right of this home page: “Please Join Me.” Fill out the brief information requested. WE ARE JOINING TOGETHER as ONE Empowered Body. We are choosing to wait no longer for someone “out there” to come help us fix our problems. TOGETHER, we can operate from a high and aware consciousness level. Please read everything that I have posted. Ponder… deeply. Join with us.
In my pursuit of Real Truth, I have given up everything. Crawling through the “eye of the needle,” I have learned the *mysteries* and am now giving my life to assist YOU to dis-cover Who *YOU* really are, along with your unique gift to offer humanity. As you learn to seek (in the right place and with purified intent), you WILL find treasures of lasting value, along with every promised reward. Together, we will establish a society of humane beings and live life ALIVE, on PURPOSE, and with a sociality unequaled… because we will each BE and view each other as equally and profoundly DIVINE! Please… catch this Hope and Vision and join with me.